i tried.

exercising.
sit ups and push ups.
but i wasnt feeling it.

so i ran.

and im feeling it.

yea. i think im ok

im feeling a little better.
mygirlfriend is comming back tomorrow.
imstarting to geton my feet again.
ive been practicing a lot of guitar.

istill dont feel totally there yet.
but its an improvement.

the big nothing

It's late at night, for me anyway, and i should be asleep.

but i cant.
theres so much on my mind.
work, my girlfriend, money, life, my parents, my future.

im so restless,and nervous, nausiated

im horrible with money, and i cantsave a dime. i need to.
i want to go on a trip just to get away but i have to save. i need tofind some willpower inside me somewhere.

my girlfriends gone to hawaii for10days on a cruise. i wish i was there too, i never get to go anywhere or do anything. im always working. shouldnt someone my age have somefun sometime? why did i become 'an adult' so fast. i want to stop. iwanttoquit my job and flip burgers for a year, but i cant and if i did im one stupid fuck. i have a car, an apartment. i can barely survive now.

i cantgetmotivated at work anymore. i want todie when im there and i hateit, i want to be motivated i want to work. i dont want to let anyone down. i want everyone to make money. again i have tofind motivation. maybe just have a goal. i dont think i have anygoals. i feel as if i have nothing to look forward to.what is left? sometimesi want to giveup everything i own. drive a shitty car,if even that, ride a bike. not worry about money, or anything.

something inside me is giving up. i want to give up.

im dumb lately
i used to be smart,intelligent.
its almost gone now.
im hanging on to the last remenants.

i want tomove to another state.
i want to make more friends
i want to learn
i want togo to school

i dont want to be piled with responsibility at work
i dont want to be so stressed

i want relief


i want to wake up happy
i want to be awake. i wake upbut i dont think i am ever awake.

i want help
i want a vacation from work
i want a vacation from money
i want a vacation from life

i want to live a different life


i dont want to be so lazy
i want to exercise
i want to see the morning
i want to seethe afternoon, not from behind a desk

i want to go fishing with my dad

im not happy, i havent been for awhile now
i make jokes and i laugh

but im not happy, if that makes sense
im dumb


maybe i can sleep now