It's late at night, for me anyway, and i should be asleep.
but i cant.
theres so much on my mind.
work, my girlfriend, money, life, my parents, my future.
im so restless,and nervous, nausiated
im horrible with money, and i cantsave a dime. i need to.
i want to go on a trip just to get away but i have to save. i need tofind some willpower inside me somewhere.
my girlfriends gone to hawaii for10days on a cruise. i wish i was there too, i never get to go anywhere or do anything. im always working. shouldnt someone my age have somefun sometime? why did i become 'an adult' so fast. i want to stop. iwanttoquit my job and flip burgers for a year, but i cant and if i did im one stupid fuck. i have a car, an apartment. i can barely survive now.
i cantgetmotivated at work anymore. i want todie when im there and i hateit, i want to be motivated i want to work. i dont want to let anyone down. i want everyone to make money. again i have tofind motivation. maybe just have a goal. i dont think i have anygoals. i feel as if i have nothing to look forward to.what is left? sometimesi want to giveup everything i own. drive a shitty car,if even that, ride a bike. not worry about money, or anything.
something inside me is giving up. i want to give up.
im dumb lately
i used to be smart,intelligent.
its almost gone now.
im hanging on to the last remenants.
i want tomove to another state.
i want to make more friends
i want to learn
i want togo to school
i dont want to be piled with responsibility at work
i dont want to be so stressed
i want relief
i want to wake up happy
i want to be awake. i wake upbut i dont think i am ever awake.
i want help
i want a vacation from work
i want a vacation from money
i want a vacation from life
i want to live a different life
i dont want to be so lazy
i want to exercise
i want to see the morning
i want to seethe afternoon, not from behind a desk
i want to go fishing with my dad
im not happy, i havent been for awhile now
i make jokes and i laugh
but im not happy, if that makes sense
im dumb
maybe i can sleep now
3 comments:
o cuz. i know how you feel. i want to party, have fun, go somewhere on vacation, but i have no money. no job, no car, no place of my own. i'm always sheltered in this house and don't do anything much. i don't even see a future for me. find a job that does motivate you and pays good. fast food isn't a good thing. trust me. and when its cool outside just walk around for an hour something and think.
oh meh brian!!
i wish you weren't so down because i envy your life! i mean you are loved by all and you broke free from the wretched town but i'm still here stuck, and feeling so alone and there is nothing i can do. and i miss you and i miss hanging out and watching movies and eating chicken wings with the weird wing sauce you would make!!
but i guess things change and we "grow up". oh please cheer up! maybe we can get together somehow and see the simpsons movie (i just know you're dying to see it!!) or call me so we can talk...
again, i miss you!!
~Lisa
Well when I move in your money should free up a little bit! I hope I will be a help around the apartment. I am going to put a curtain around the dining room if you guys let me, and make a fort-room for myself.
Man, I am pretty excited! You know what I used to do when I started to feel melencholy? I would go for a drive, and I would just drive to nowhere, and I would think about stuff, and hopefully end up somewhere where I could see the stars. I would lay on the hood of my car and remember how much I love it, and how much everything fits. Wow, that was years ago!
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